I just went on an Amazon bender. I originally went on to find a paperback version of Carolyn Fraser’s book, ‘God’s Perfect Child’ for my husband, and stumbled on several books, only one of which I had previously heard of. In the last 24 hours, since the books began arriving, I have voraciously consumed both ‘father mother god’ by Lucia Greenhouse and ‘Perfect Peril’ by Linda S. Kramer. There is one more to arrive, a memoir called ‘Blue Windows.’ Are there any that I am missing that you guys could recommend? I really find this therapeutic, but also surprisingly upsetting. I’m glad the other one hasn’t arrived yet. I think I need a break. But I am ready to do more ‘knowing the truth.’ LOL. No, the real truth!
– Katie J.
Years after leaving the movement and residing in limbo about that, I read a fascinating biography of Mary Baker Eddy, the one by Gillian Gill. It’s not ‘authorized’ Christian Science literature and Gill is not a Christian Scientist. The author’s interests and motives seem to be placing MBE’s life events in context—her family story as well as historically/socially—and also analyzing her decisions, convictions, and actions within that same context.
Its primary effect was removing any remaining spell that Mary Baker Eddy herself still held on me; for example, now when I read a renowned passage of hers, I can hear that it’s an overwrought tangle of words that distract from the fact that she’s not saying anything of substance half the time. Additionally, I better understand the politics of the creation of the church. She was trying to stick a flag in these ideas flying around in that time period, and claim them for her own; to attempt to coalesce those thoughts into a solid creed that society would allow to compete with traditional Christianity.
In the five or so years since I read it, my life has been almost consistently tumultuous. As though some larger truth is trying insistently to make itself heard and seen. I spent a little time letting myself ponder a godless world, and now I feel myself moving back toward agnosticism, building my concepts of god and faith with very small pieces, one at a time. What a curious journey we’re all on.
I keep taking deep breaths like I have been crying when I have not. I think it is because my interior world keeps experiencing little explosions of anger, sadness, indignation, disbelief as I read.