I was the worst daughter they ever saw

By Sharon, an Ex-Christian Scientist Group contributor.

I get upset and frustrated when I think of what my mother put herself and the rest of us through at the end of her life. She knew she had the cancer for years. She waited and tried to ‘heal’ it until the tumor was as big as her breast, then decided she would have it and the breast removed because it looked “like it might break open and that happened to another lady in the church and it smelled awful.”

So, she had that operation but refused any further treatment, and eventually the cancer metastasized to her spine, causing enormous pain. She was finally so disoriented that I was able to get her to the hospital. Once there, I felt like I was judged to be lacking in any sort of sense. I was told that the cancer had metastasized to her brain, and they looked at me like I was the worst daughter they ever saw that I would let my mother suffer and get all this cancer all over her with no treatment.

Knowing that my mother would have done the same thing to me as a child is no comfort. I have often thought about the fact that I know without a doubt that my mother would have let me die at the altar of Christian Science and I would have had no control over it, just as I had no control over what she did about her own illness.

5 comments

  • I’ve often been met with complete surprise when I’ve tried to explain that I have no idea what my mom’s medical issues are. It’s maddening.

    Funny side note– I was reading this with x-files playing on the side– the episode called Miracle Man about a preacher healing a woman with cancer in her spine.

  • cm

    My dearest, closest friend from college died of leukemia, I believe. Her parents wouldn’t tell me what the issue was; I was never allowed to visit her while she was ill. “It isn’t a good time,” they told me. (She was 35 years old and married with two children.) The frustration of being locked out of my beloved friend’s life, of not being able to talk to her as she was dying, was agonizing to me, and I would think to her, but that was how her parents felt CS should work. I don’t even know if she knew I was trying to contact her. I knew this family very well; I lived with them for two summers and many school vacations. They considered me their “third daughter.”

    • Contributor Chrystal

      cm – that’s heart-breaking. I am so so so so sorry. Huge hugs to you.

  • Rachel

    My ex-bf believes in that Christian Science crap and I actually feel sorry for him. He’s completely blind (since birth) and believes that he’s just going to miraculously start to see because he wills it. He tried to get me to join his little cult when we were together but I put my foot down. He was looney toons and I really dodged a bullet when he decided he couldn’t be with me anymore because I supposedly was keeping him from what he wanted. He’s still blind and living with his parents. He’s going to be completely lost when they die. Maybe he can will them to live forever.

    • Jane

      The sad truth is that the people we were taught to mistrust and fear are diligently working on ways to cure blindness. Reliably. Scientifically. So sad.