relationships – The Ex-Christian Scientist

The following is a collection of contributions from members of the Ex-Christian Scientist collective about the impact Christian Science has had on relationships.

Not quite twenty years ago, my marriage ended. He and I were both devout Christian Scientists. We were very involved in the Principia community, and our kids were at Prin College and Upper School. My then-husband had a very bad temper, and eventually I summoned all my courage and went to the local woman’s shelter for guidance and help. I felt like such a scofflaw for relying on outside help, but I was losing my mind. God bless that shelter and all its angels. I learned so much, and it was such a blessing, and that was the first crack in the Christian Science armor, when I learned that it’s okay to be a human being.

One day, a woman friend called to ask why I hadn’t been in church. She’d been a good friend, and her husband was well-loved at Prin. It seemed right to lay my soul bare, so I told her the truth: I told her that my husband was abusive. My friend went silent. I thought she’d hung up on me. After a moment, she said, “My husband is just like yours.” Two more times, I confided in women friends with Prin-employed husbands, and both times, they hung their heads and said, “My husband is also abusive.”

– Anne

Christian Science’s teachings can create the perfect breeding ground for abuse of all kinds, because the Christian Science way of thinking, if there is someone abusive in the home, is that the abuser’s behavior is the victim’s responsibility to ‘un-see’. This is a completely wrong and unproductive guilt created by Christian Science dogma on top of the abuse by the spouse or parent.

Abuse and dysfunction in the home is definitely not unique to Christian Science; it can happen in any family, group or culture. But Christian Science is a culture deeply tied to shame, denial, and secrets. This applies to health, sexuality, mental health, emotions— everything. We are strong for having survived, for moving forward, and for breaking the cycle.

– Abigail

A dedicated Christian Scientist doesn’t need an outside influence in order to feel guilty about not having a healing quickly or about resorting to ‘materia medica.’ We are programmed to feel that way from the time we enter Sunday School, if not before. Christian Science is never to blame, it is always the individual’s lack of understanding.

– Stacey

The following is a collection of contributions from members of the Ex-Christian Scientist collective about the impact Christian Science has had on relationships.

I definitely relate to the many families who have been torn apart by Christian Science. My sister and I lost our mother to this thing. She is slowly dying of an undiagnosed illness, but won’t get help, because of course an actual physical healing isn’t the real goal, right? It’s about achieving some kind of spiritual I-don’t-know-what! My older sister got the brunt of the care-taking, unfortunately. The selfishness is frustrating and so unfair. Everything has to stop to revolve around our mother’s incomprehensible devotion to this cult, which has destroyed our family and countless others. But my sister and I were recently able to speak to each other openly for the first time in our lives about how Christian Science affected our family and our feelings about it, and it was very—for lack of a better term—healing.

– Hilary

Three of my five siblings are still very deep into Christian Science, with the annual Association trips, being ‘class taught’, and all taking their turns as branch church Readers very seriously. Conversations can be very strained when we get together. I walk a thin line of not wanting to upset them and wanting to roll my eyes at their Christian Science-talk, and sometimes I have to get up and leave before I just blow up. I love them and want to shake them at the same time. I just cannot stand watching the lengths of their denial of reality.

– Anonymous

Within my family, just my parents and I were Christian Scientists. The aunts, uncles and cousins all thought we were nuts. I was in hard-core, including Class Instruction, until age 21. Then began the double life for eight or nine years during which time I was married and divorced. I took the opportunity of re-marriage and moving away to sever ties with Christian Science. That was twenty years ago. If it weren’t for my aging Christian Scientist parents, I wouldn’t even think about Christian Science anymore. But going through their health issues with them as their only child has brought all the anger and resentment to the surface. I’m glad to have this group who gets it.

– Abigail

I was spared a lot of Christian Science crazy growing up because my mother was quick to take us to the pediatrician if there was a problem, and I’m very grateful for that. However, my siblings did not respond in kind. When my mom died many years ago, I was the one that found her near death. She’d had a massive stroke, and I called 911—I didn’t know where to begin to deal with the horror. Later, at the hospital, she officially passed on, and my Christian Scientist brother told me, “Our mother might still be alive if you hadn’t called 911.” That’s the kind of BS I had to put up with to stay part of the family. When I started calling them on this insanity, that’s when I was officially and permanently shunned.

– Anne

My father got desperate with his asthma once, and tried Christian Science—mostly to save his marriage. A practitioner arrived and I could feel the tension: would Christian Science work? Not at all, despite repeated practitioner visits. And the practitioner was a really weird person who caused more division within the family. Horrid times.

I can also remember arriving at a testimony meeting with my mother, and as I sat down, I was surprised to see my father at the service. Both experiences made me feel like I was on the Christian Science side and he was trying to join ‘our world’. I felt awful that I could not be with him in his world. Years later, church members told my mother that my father had visited his local reading room, as though it was a good thing. In actuality, he ‘visited’ in order to return all the Christian Science books he had ever owned!

– Anonymous