The First Rule of Christian Science

The First Rule of Christian Science is you do not talk about Christian Science.

The Second Rule of Christian Science is you do not talk about Christian Science.

Talking about Christian Science, even with Other Christian Scientists, is Frowned Upon.

You have to do your Prayerful Protective Work, and Guard Your Thought against Error/Malicious Animal Magnetism/Sin. You have to make sure your Thought is Correctly Aligned with God, because if it isn’t that’s when Error creeps in.

What is Error? Error is sin, disease and death. It is the opposite of God and all of God’s Divine Reflection — Life, Truth, Love, Principle, Soul, Spirit and Mind — the Capital Letters Are Important here, those are the Seven Synonyms of God. Error is unreal. Error is also the bogeyman always out to get you. Other religions have the Devil and eternal Hell and Damnation, in Christian Science you make your own Hell here on earth when you don’t properly align your thought with God.

You must Radically Rely On God for Healing and Demonstrations of Supply. The more bountiful your supply, the Better you are Demonstrating Christian Science. If you’re having a hard time demonstrating supply, put on the appearance of Demonstrating it, if you appear to be demonstrating supply then supply will come. You should be doing your Prayerful Protective Work so that you will not need to have healings.

You should not turn to Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy only when you face a “challenge,” you should be spending time daily with the Books doing your Work.

If you must read books about Christian Science and/or the founder M.B. Eddy, please choose from the selection available at your local Reading Room. If you must read news or magazines, please choose from a selection of the Monitor Online, and various Church-authorized periodicals.

Studying the Weekly Bible Lesson alone is all you need for your Spiritual Growth. If you do go to a CS Association, only discuss that with your Teacher. If you die, destroy your Class Notes or return them to the Association. They are not fit for public consumption.

Please do not discuss Christian Science, beyond what inspiration it has brought you, and then please limit this to the Standard Format of the Weekly Testimony:

Thank you for the Readings. I found them quite inspiring, particularly [insert quote from Bible or S&H or Hymn verse or passage from the Desk here]. Share vague problem or situation you may have overcome, or not, just gratitude for the resolution is sufficient. Profusely thank the Desk for the Readings, and give gratitude for Christian Science and the Beloved Discover and Founder Mary Baker Eddy.

Children should learn the 10 Commandments, Beatitudes, and a few Bible Stories. They should be obedient. They should be Filled Up Full with Thoughts from God, in that way they can not be mad or sad or bad. Censoring children’s books is fine, the Very Hungry Caterpillar could never be sick after eating his way through all that food, no, he just felt “very full!”

Every child should learn the story of sickly Mary, often bed bound as a child, who always read her Bible. One day as a young woman she fell on the ice and doctors told her she was going to die! She lay in her bed reading her Bible, after a time, she had a Revelation and Discovered the Healing Truths. She wrote them all down in a book, and this Science — it is a Science because it Can Be Demonstrated — became Christian Science.

Can it be Demonstrated under laboratory conditions in double-blind tests? No, that would undermine its efficiency. Other’s Thoughts would Influence the outcome. You must keep Christian Science to yourself. Others want Christian Science to fail, particularly the Catholics. Why the Catholics? Malicious Animal Magnetism radiates from the Vatican, and the Pope wants M. B. Eddy and Christian Science to fail.*

If someone is suffering from the belief of an illness or lack, they are not Demonstrating Christian Science properly.

Many will claim this post is not what Christian Science is, which is a delightful strawman because while it may not be what Christian Science is, it certainly aligns with how many people actually experience(d) Christian Science.

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*fuck all if I know, that reason sounds about as good as any other I’ve heard